This one comes from Mark Steyn (Hat Tip - Real Clear Politics):
"Among my Christmas presents was a copy of Survive, a recent collection by Sports Afield magazine of helpful tips for the great outdoors. Most of the stuff was familiar - rub a raw potato on poison ivy, roast a wood bug before you eat it - but on page 70 I was surprised by this novel approach to mountain lions: "Do not approach one, especially if it is feeding or with its young. Most will avoid confrontation, so provide an escape. Do all you can to appear larger. Raise your anus, and open your jacket if you have one on." I can't say I did that the last time I saw a mountain lion, but maybe I had a lucky escape. And then I realised...
...it's meant to be "raise your arms," and that the item is a cautionary tale in the pitfalls of computer "scanning". One hopes the misprint doesn't lead the less seasoned hiker into an awkward situation, and that any mountain lion confronted by city folks dutifully adopting the prescribed position will think "What the hell do they mean by that?" and wander off shaking his head rather than flying into a carnivorous rage."Now there's a mental picture for you. If you're interested, the rest of Steyn's column goes on to draw some parallels with U.S. Presidential candidate John Kerry. But it's really, really hard to top that intro.
I have a pretty fool proof system for dealing with mountain lions, poisen ivy, all that stuff. Dont go bumbling around our in the god forsaken woods. Thats why god invented five star hotels. If a mountain lion wanders into my house, I will feel justifiably upset and deal with him appropriatley. If I wander into his home, all bets are off.